I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize