WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
