at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
