I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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