Having a random hookup so left but love u
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
