i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
