My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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