After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
