im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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