Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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