he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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