People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Fuck me I smell like cheese
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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