I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
