This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
