i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
