I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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