I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Found your dick twin last night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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