I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
