I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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