U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Duck Duck Cougar?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dicks are not precious.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
