last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
