haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
