would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
