update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
