I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
