someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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