you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
