I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
