I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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