Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
