So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
bring money and cleavage
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
