my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize