i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
