just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
