He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize