this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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