Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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