I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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