Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
