i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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