I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
