By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
