I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
