nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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