can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
