turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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