Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
