i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
