You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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