Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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