i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
