Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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