i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
