I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
