I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The air was thick with penises
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
