It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
