i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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