She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
