I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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