I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize