Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
