I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
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