I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
