I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
