Sober January is a disaster.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
