You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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