accomplished twins. life is a go
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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