I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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