So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
