CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
two words: eviction party
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
