my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
please come you make the beer taste better
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
