can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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