there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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