my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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